Parashat Naso פָּרָשַׁת נָשׂא

A particularly arcane section of this week’s portion of Naso is a tradition known as SOTA.  Sota concerns an allegation, and it is sort of a trial. But it is a trial in a very strange sense—there is no evidence offered, there is no witness involved, there is not even a defending attorney.  All we have is an angry husband who suspects his wife of infidelity.  The Parsha gives us a lengthy description of the process—first, the priest “brings her before the Lord.”  She has an opportunity then to confess.  But of course it’s possible that she has nothing to confess. If she does not confess at that point, then she must drink “the bitter waters”--MAYYIM HAMAORARIM—that have been collected by adding the dust and ashes from the floor of the Temple to water from the holy laver.  

It is noteworthy that the passage in the Torah where this process is described uses the word BITTER—MARIM—several times, making it clear that this is a highly unpleasant experience for the woman, regardless of her guilt or innocence.  If she is innocent, according to this practice, nothing will happen.  If she is guilty, we are told that “her belly will distend and her thighs to sag.”  The commentary in our Etz Hayyim notes that scholars do not agree on exactly what this passage might mean, but many believe that this is a subtle reference to a miscarriage. 

There are many approaches we might take in thinking about this bizarre practice.  It’s even possible that, despite the lengthy description we read, it was never actually put into practice.  Think about this country, for example—we have many laws on the books that are never enforced and never actually implemented.  On the other hand, if this was a practice—and it’s hard to know why the Torah would spend so much time on this if its wasn’t—then we can be thankful that, according to Yochanan Ben Zachai, the ritual was abandoned in the first century of the common era. According to Ben Zachai, the husband had to be pure if he were bringing charges against his wife; there were no men who met that standard, and so the practice faded away!

 But what can we take from this ancient TORAT HAKINAOT—the ritual of jealousy?  We could focus on so many aspects of this process, but I want to explore this idea of jealousy.  In chapter five, the Torah reads:

THIS IS THE RITUAL IN CASES OF JEALOUSY, WHEN A WOMAN GOES ASTRAY WHILE MARRIED TO HER HUSBAND AND DEFILES HERSELF, OR WHEN A FIT OF JEALOUSY COMES OVER A MAN AND HE IS WROUGHT UP OVER HIS WIFE:  THE WOMAN SHALL BE MADE TO STAND BEFORE THE LORD AND THE PRIEST SHALL CARRY OUT THIS RITUAL WITH HER. 

 Notice that this passage gives us TWO OPTIONS—first, that the woman has gone astray, and SECOND that the man is jealous and is simply “wrought up over his wife.”  Here the passage makes clear that it’s possible that the husband is simply imagining her infidelity—a “fit of jealousy” has come over him.   
 
We know that humans are not the only beings in the world to experience jealousy.  God Himself is a jealous God, and we are told that over and over throughout the Torah.  We should note that the word for the husband’s jealousy that is part of the narrative of today’s parsha - Kin’a - is the very same word that is used to describe God’s jealousy. I suppose it might be comforting to think that God has similar feelings to our own. On the other hand, don’t we want God to be better than we are?

That reminds me of a story...
Mrs. Cohen was almost in tears when she confessed to her best friend:  “Oh, Margie, I just learned that my husband is having an affair with his secretary.”  Her friend replied, “That can’t be true.  You’re just saying that to make me jealous!!”  

So we know that jealousy is probably a universal emotion. I’m sure that we’ve seen children who want a toy JUST BECAUSE another child is playing with it. Or even the dog who grabs the chew toy out of another dog’s mouth. It always looks better when someone else has it, doesn’t it? 

So perhaps we’re beginning to understand SOTA, just a bit. What we DON’T know is whether, in a case of SOTA, the husband really suspects his wife is guilty of infidelity, or just wants her out of the picture. We don’t know whether he’s jealous because he loves her or because some other man may have stolen his property. Those questions are left unanswered in the lengthy description we see in Naso. 

But if God can be jealous at times, can jealousy ever be a good thing? The Talmud tells us that jealousy of a TALMID CHACHAM  is acceptable because it motivates us to study Torah in order to be at the same level as the scholar.  So perhaps there are times when being jealous drives us to accomplish worthy goals that we would not otherwise have sought. Or, in the words of Steven Wright, “I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.”

Jealousy is usually irrational. We can build up a whole world view where no contradictory evidence will make a difference.

For example...
I know of a case where a very jealous woman assumed her husband was having an affair. So she zealously went through his clothes whenever he came home at night; one night, searching for clues and finding no hairs on his jacket, she said, “Oh, so now you’re having an affair with a BALD woman?!”

Many people confuse ENVY and JEALOUSY.  And there is a very fine line between the two.  Both envy and jealousy make you feel inadequate.  But, in the case of envy, you want something that someone else has.  This is the tenth commandment—not to covet; here what we are being commanded to avoid is envy. In the case of jealousy, on the other hand, what you feel is that someone is trying to take something that is yours.  Jealousy--Kin’A—is the fear of losing what one has, or what one loves, or what one prizes.  

So Esav is jealous that Jacob has taken his birthright. Leah is jealous that Rachel has taken the husband who, given that she is the elder daughter, should be hers.  Cain is jealous of God’s love for Abel and for his sacrifice. But we can also see envy as well as jealousy in these stories.  Do Joseph’s brothers envy him for his marvelous coat, his good looks, and his confidence? Or are they jealous of their father’s love for this particular son?  Perhaps all apply . . .

Milder versions of jealousy are part of what it means to be human.  It’s even possible that jealousy lets us know that we love someone, that we don’t want to lose that person to another.  But, in most cases, jealousy—as we see here in the case of SOTA—is ugly and irrational.  

Let us hope and pray that when we feel jealousy—and we know that we will—that we can turn that jealousy into something productive. That we can rise above the childish need for your toy and that we can recognize that God gives us what we need, and to be envious or jealous is to question that faith.  So let us rise above those inclinations to love each other AND ourselves.