Parsha Vayetzei וַיֵּצֵא

I think we tend to think of Jacob as the old patriarch with wives and concubines and twelve children and all kinds of family drama. The man who loves Joseph and spends so many years mourning his loss.  The father who is so damaged and who, in many ways, passes on that damage to the next generation. But, in today’s parsha, we see a young man who is now suddenly on his own and seeking to find his destiny.

What can we learn from THIS parsha, Vayetze, from this early narrative of Jacob’s life?

And by this question, I obviously don’t mean to imply that Jacob was an exemplary or even morally admirable figure. We know that he has spent much of his life deceiving those around him, and we know that there is much NOT to admire in his character. But I think that his behavior in this morning’s parsha tells us a lot about how he is evolving and about what it takes, on some level, to do teshuvah.

First, we know that Jacob works hard.  He is willing to stay with Laban and his family in order to be able to be with the woman he loves, Rachel. He agrees to work for seven years for Laban, who has promised him the beautiful Rachel. And so he does. But even when Laban tricks him into marrying Leah, Jacob stays and works.  He doesn’t just work hard—as he himself points out to Laban, he has increased Laban’s flocks and stock by ‘multitudes.’  Perhaps he stays because he’s finally realized that this is his comeuppance for tricking his brother Esau. Perhaps he stays to work because he doesn’t have anywhere else to go.  Perhaps he stays to work because he sees that there is something other than study that he is good at. The reason or reasons why he stays don’t really matter; what matters is that he invests in the work, and that his work bears fruit. 

No wonder Laban doesn’t want to let him go. This little yeshiva bocher can figure out how to get animals to cross-fertilize and how to maximize an animal’s healthy offspring.  His efforts have made Laban a wealthy man.  Jacob seems to set aside the rancor he must have felt at being tricked and focus on the work that needs to get done. And from what we read in the Torah, it appears that Jacob hasn’t even demanded any wages for his years of labor.

Hard work.  Devoting oneself to the task at hand. And such devotion leads to excellence.   It seems that everything Jacob touches turns to gold.  Remember: when he later encounters Esav, he tells him he has everything. That can of course be metaphorical, but the Torah tells us explicitly: “In this way, the man grew exceedingly prosperous and came to own large flocks, and maidservants, and menservants, and camels and donkeys.”  Jacob is a wealthy man.  

There is something else we can learn from Jacob’s actions.  Jacob is willing to compromise.  Think about it. He loves Rachel. He works seven years. He eagerly awaits his marriage to her, and on the awaited day, he discovers that he is marrying the daughter with the “weak eyes.” He could have, I suppose, walked out at that point. Perhaps he could have had the marriage annulled. Perhaps he could have run off with Rachel, who I think would have probably been more than glad to leave that awful family. But he doesn’t. He compromises with Laban—not an easy thing to do with someone so shady and duplicitous.  He agrees to stay another seven years. 

Compromise is hard, and yet we all need to learn to do it if we want our relationships to work.  I’ll give you an example. A friend of mine wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept refusing, but he bought one anyway. She was furious that he went out and did that on his own. "I'll tell you what," he told her, "In the spirit of compromise, why don't you name the boat?"  Being a good sport, she accepted. When her husband went to the dock for his maiden voyage, this is the name he saw painted on the side: "For Sale."

May we all see the fruits of our hard work and be willing to compromise.